Is this harsh? 🤔

I’m in an online group for course creators and what I’ve noticed recently is how much blaming, moaning and finger-pointing there is by a few people struggling to make any traction with their programmes.  It’s like they’ve created their own little whinge club blaming the support team, their clients, the technology: You name it, they blame it.

Their energy is toxic.

But the rest? They rarely post anything unless it’s to thank people for something, offer words of wisdom or advice, share tips and ideas, or ask for guidance (which they then implement).

Their energy is positive and uplifting.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend time with people who gossip and backstab and won’t honestly discuss what they want or need because they’re too busy blaming everything and everyone for their woes. (Confession. I did that for years until I learned how to regulate my emotions and have confident conversations – because I didn’t want to be ‘that person’ any more).

Here’s what I know. The people bitching, moaning and making snarky, belittling or bullying comments are not getting their own needs met and are ‘acting up’ in the only way they know how. It’s easier to have a moan rather than do the deeper work of looking inside ourselves, after all!

It won’t surprise you that I’ve decided to leave that online group.  It’s so easy to get sucked into negativity.

But it’s more difficult to walk away from an energy vampire on your team.

So what are your choices: Ignore them? Collude with them? Rescue them? Attack or defend them? Those will probably change nothing. They could even make things worse.

My three quick steps to shifting things would be this:

1. Be unambiguous about what you want from this person (rather than what you don’t want).
2. Hear them out – but be clear about your expectations and red lines.
3. Have a future focus – you can’t change what’s happened but you can move forward differently.

This week’s activity: If there’s a mood hoover in your midst, choose how much time and energy you want to give them. Or make a decision that you’re going to stop tolerating them and do something else instead.

To your success always.

P.S. Clear expectations, boundaries and lived values (not just fluffy words on a mission statement) reduce the likelihood that you will tolerate these energy vampires. Clear unambiguous and confident communication is the key.  My 90 day Lead with Confidence programme (starting in April) digs into the neuroscience of communication so you know exactly how to handle any situation that comes your way. Click here for the details.